Cesare and Waifu sitting in a tree...

Word of the day: irremediable: unavoidable, that cannot be remedied

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Music to accompany this post:

Say Hello to Waifu Romero!
The prudes at CCP forced her to put some pants on.

After my string of terrible ideas that turned out surprisingly well, I finally had a genuinely good idea!
Cesare Romero is getting married!...well that's the flimsy role-playing explanation. He had been scouring all of known space to find himself the perfect three-tittied woman, yet had to eventually give up on his search & settle for a normal bimammaried human female. He even overcame his rampant racism and chose a Caldari bride! It was a beautiful wedding ceremony (in my head).

Cesare gifted all manner of things to his newly beloved and betrothed so she could have a nice home

As far as actual gameplay mechanics are involved, I just made an alt on the same account to stay in Jita and keep an eye out for real-time prices, as online market analysis tools can have outdated or misleading information. Funnily, Waifu and Cesare have not and will never actually meet. The ultimate passive- aggressive marriage!
Of course, I was immediately ridiculed in chat for believing I'd thought of such an obvious trick first. But hey, even if it's an old idea, it's still a good one!

All those superfluous emotions taken care of, it was time for some cold hard business.

Using Waifu 's keen insight on the Jita Market (who knows, maybe they'll have offspring one day, to keep an eye on another trade hub), Cesare resumed hauling cargo to and fro different trade hubs, picking up whatever small deals he could find in surrounding systems.
Then he started getting agressive...and cocky:

Goodbye, Belly Beluga II

• Using all his cash buying items so expensive could't afford to pay the sales tax afterwards

• Buying off 14 Bestowers for 1.1 mil in the same station he was selling them at for 1.2 mil, and immediately relisting them at his price. Just to get rid of the competition

• Finding "sweet deals" deep in lowsec, leading him to own millions worth of goods in a system beyond his reach

• Selling even the metaphorical shirt off his back for profit: Someone was buying a Bestower for 2+ million, almost double the going market price, a deal too good to pass on. Even if it meant breaking his heart a little

Undock in a pod, redock to get a free newb ship, name the ship thus, fly back to homebase in style

You know how when you're digging for treasure and don't find anything, you always have to give one more symbolic strike of the spade just in case the treasure was just one more shovelful away, hoping for a reversal of luck? Well in EVE, when you're doing well, hauling and trading, or mining in a risky system, or maybe fighting weaker capsuleers; you have to tell yourself to stop before the irremediable reversal of luck..

Being shot at with weak weapons, but being warp-scrambled and disrputed, it was time to wave Belly Beluga II' goodbye

My bad luck was a miscalculated risk: travelling through one measly 0.4 system on my way to pick up 3 million ISK worth of Nocxium I'd just bought. Gatecamp, kaboom. I would have gotten away from it if they hadn't been scrambling disrupting my warp. Well played, pirates.
But no hard feelings. I dropped a hello in local when I passed through again in my pod on my way back home.

At the end of the day, 30 million ISK profit, minus 62 million worth unreachable in lowsec, minus about 2 mil in ship and cargo lost, Time to find myself a Belly Beluga III somewhere.